For the sake of disclaimer, I promised not to lie to you and I will keep that promise: this story is not mine, it did not happen to me. But my good friend let me borrow it, so all is forgiven. I will still do the narrative in the first person though, so don't think about me when you read it. Imagine my friend. Although, now that I think about it, you don't know my friend, so imagine someone else... A hot Hollywood actor, if you will.
It is a simple story, really. I once went on a blind date with this guy, his name was Phil. This is obviously a made up name. But that doesn't matter to the story, so... I met Phil through a friend in common, and my friend set us up for a Friday evening. Phil was single and ready to mingle, looking for a boyfriend, and I was looking for "whatever happens". My friend, quite the cupid, realized that we were perfect for each other and made it happen. My friend also told me stuff about Phil, as I probably believe he told Phil stuff about me.
- He's 26, lives alone, works in the marketing department of a Telecom company, he's a Sagittarius (yes, we were in our zodiac phase. It's over now, don't panic).
- Do you have a picture?
- Yes, here. What do you think?
- Oh, he's cute!
- Right?
- Do you know anything else?
- Like what?
- Come on, give me the dirty. What he's into?
- I don't know, but I think he's a versatile. Like regular stuff, sucking, wanking, you know, the whole package...
- I want the dirt!
- Well, ok, I didn't want to scare you off, but there's a rumor in the office that he's... You know what, nevermind.
- Bitch please, don't make it get it off you!
- I don't know if it is true, and besides, I shouldn't be telling you this beforehand. Where is the magic of finding out?
- Magic? What the fuck are you going on about?
- That thing where you get to know each other, discover stuff together, cultivate your feelings for each other...
- Why do you have to be such a romantic? You know we will probably fuck in the car right after dinner, don't you?
- Ok, but promise me you will still give him a chance after I tell you!
- Oh my, what is it? Is he into golden shower? Eww, even worse?
- God no! Don't be disgusting! The rumor is that he's into some spanking...
- You mean with like force and blood and getting him purple?
- What is wrong with you? No! Just some light slapping in the face. Maybe a bit hard, maybe leave a mark. But no blood!
- Well, you got me scared, I was expecting something big.
- For some people this is a big deal.
- I never did it, or receive it. I am not sure I would be into that, but I like to keep an open mind.
- His roommate told me that he overheard him having sex, and he heard some slapping sound and he kept saying "harder, harder, in my face"
- That is naughty! I'm kinda turned on now...
- Of course you are. Should I go on and tell him to meet you Friday?
- Sure, why not!
And here I was, Friday evening meeting "spank me harder" Phil. He was very cute, very sweet and did not look like someone who was into being slapped in the face. But some people say that the quiet and sweet ones are also the kinkiest, so you never know.
Throughout the dinner we talked about several stuff, and I tried to bring up sex-related topics but I could never find an opportunity. I started to feel like I'd get back home with a serious case of the blue balls and masturbate my problems away, but then, when we finished desert, he said:
- You are very handsome. Let's continue this at my place?
And, just like that, we were making out in his couch. Clothes started flying off, hands grabbed stuff, stuffed rubbed on other stuff, mouths were going around body parts... At some point he started sucking me - I am not getting very detailed because this is not porn - and he looked at me:
- Are you enjoying it?
- Oh yeah.
- Wanna make it hotter?
(Again, this is not porn, I swear)
There we were. This was the sign. He wanted me to slap him. So, as to test the water, I started slow, giving him a gentle blow in his cheek. He moaned and I thought I was in the right path. So I slapped him a bit harder. Another moan, I guess he was really enjoying it. Lets see how far I can go, I thought to myself. I was getting harder and harder, and the moaning was getting louder and louder. Then I really got all into it, slapped him with the strength of those villains from Mexican telenovelas, one of those slaps that would leave a red mark on his face for a couple of hours. Yes, I was enjoying it, judge me.
But then he stopped and looked up, sobbing and with tears rolling down his face. And he told me the five words that still hunt me to this day:
- Why are you hurting me?
Yep, he was not enjoying it. I was actually hurting him. I apologized profusely and said that I thought he was into it, he kept sobbing and holding his cheek, asking what was wrong with me. Needless to say, the night was ruined. I could not tell him why I thought he was into spanking, because that would throw my friend under the bus, but give him no explanation would just prove to him that something was wrong with me. I did what any normal human being would have done: gathered my clothes and got the hell out of there.
I did call him a couple of times, left him some messages, but I am still waiting to hear back from him. I guess he is scared. Wouldn't you be? As for my friend, I never trusted him to set me up anymore. Next time, who knows, I can end up in prison for assault. And you know what happens to guys like me in prison. Yeah, no thanks.
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